Patterns? Habits? These can be broken. It's sad when you hear news that a relationship didn't work out. It's never good to hear. Especially when you expect good in those you love and care about. The "getting to know you" phase fizzes out after sex, lies and deceit enters into the equations. But for some reason it's funny how it boils down to who is to blame and the issues of values, views, roots ect.. are to be questioned after the damage is done.
Do you truly know who you are? Are did someone tell you who you were? Who you are sharing your wallet, time, and space with? I'm not talking about knowing that persons querks and quotes! I'm talking background; who will you meet 5 months from now, 5 years or 10 years from now in this same individual? This takes time and two willing parties to explore all this! Are you over all your past issues?
Why put up a front and put on airs for the sake of a good time and loose BIG because internally your issues are with your choices, up-bringing and warp-belief systems on a man's/woman's role. Naturally our bodies tell us our roles. A woman's body is built to receive, cultivate and give back to the world (birth). Man's bodies are made to give and in-turn reap a harvest after planting seeds (harvester).
But some of the soil we have been planting on is not fertile in a sense of growth, wellness, and or grounded for that matter. It has been pre-maturely treated. So the soil looks ready but they have yet to complete the task of becoming ready. Ready in terms of, submission, awareness, fairness, and begetting the over-all qualities that will not be clear from the surface.
You've seen bad patterns and habits repeated and the repeated indulgence it this foolery is due to lack of self-awareness and self-love. We learn who we have to be to function but their are some personality disorders that arise in the adult years due under-developed traits that should have be nurtured and cultivated early on.
Typical-scenario - A well off guy meets a great lady and they are on thier way to acheieving their goals but one party hasn't got a grip on their journey or them-selves but they appear to be ready-to-go! The two team up as partners in life. She makes Him better, He make her better but the past of the good, bad and ugly comes creeping in and in my opinion the past strips the relationship fast and far away from the future.
The guy and the lady finally began to explore values, merit and importance and realize they disagree. By this time they are either cohabitating (shacking up) with the intentions of being married(wink wink) or they are married. BUT They don't know one another. I myself know first hand how we as women learn from men and we feed off of what they teach us. And men share as much as we as women do IF only someone is willing to TRULY listen.
Like myself who has been in relationships, the first thing you learn is that no man wants his woman to be his competitor. He cares that you have gained power in this world with your degrees and such but it's not to be used as a tool to become the aggressor. Knowing your position is power. A woman values being first especially if she feels she's sacrificed or given up much to have earn that position as first lady.
It's redundant to compete against anyone and have nothing going for yourself, you look and sound silly and insecure to him or her. And if you do have something going your lack of humility has turned-off the fire in the relationship and ego has just won a relationship. And that dude named pride will kill you first. Find balance.
If a mate is not established and or working towards their own goals that still doesn't make them unequal. You both were made equal only the man doesn't want to feel like he has to compete with the woman he loves. And the woman doesn't want the man to feel over-shadowed by having to please him and work at something good. Choosing causes conflict if forced to. We must compliment each other not work against the grain. It's time out for repeating old and bad habits that will not work no matter how long you've been in the game of love. STOP, you appear childish to those who are beyond the games.
Don't allow your admiration for who your mate to turn into jealousy! If the man wanted to be with a man he'll be with one. Stop acting like him. If the woman wanted to be held up she would have given up long ago. The competition game can be invisible too.
A representative in terms of relationships is considered to be the person everyone will like but later will come across as a phony. Allowing your representative to dominate the relationship year in and year out without getting real with yourself and your mate will send him/her running, men hate abrupt surprises, women hate to built up and then later let down. We all as men and women should demolished all old ideas and half-assed beliefs when beginning a new relationship, else each one will have the same outcome due to old habits that have not been re-evaluated and truncated if need be.
A friend once said to me if you haven't began to change bad habits (deal breakers) by age 25 you'll find it difficult to bend and or compromise in terms of building a relationship. I later learned that what they said wasn't far from true.
Some psychologist believe in 4 cycles of life before death.
Infancy (0-6yrs), a child learns trust, guilt and shame.
Adolescence (6-12yrs), were a child learns to be confident in making good choices.
Teen Age (13-19yrs), a young adult learns to identify themselves or remain confused about their identity.
Adult (19-40yrs), when you seek to find stable and consistent relationships or isolate due to lack of trust that wasn't developed early on.
Golden Ages (40yrs-death), is when older more mature adult works at leaving a legacy and something to live on beyond death or they live in regret of pass choices.
It's not cute know your habits and present them later on in your relationship and expect people to just deal with it and remain the same. Knowing our patterns and bad habits are one thing, but allowing them to cultivate into something worse will only hinder you and the person who can't get to know the real you.
Rhetoric to for my friends to consider concerning matters within relationship.
Cecilia Ada
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